If you’re a baseball fan, you’ll know about the famous Boston Red Sox ‘comeback’ – the historic franchise’s return to World Series glory after an agonizing 86-year wait.

Netflix are back at Fenway Park for a brand new ‘Clubhouse’ series [out Tuesday] which documents a different kind of comeback – not about winning championships, but simply a lost team trying to rediscover their mojo, with star player Jarren Duran the leading man.

While the eight-part documentary covers everything from the Red Sox’s recent nosedive, manager Alex Cora’s scandalous past, a pitcher’s emotional journey to finally make his big league debut and the demands of a 162-game season, Duran’s heartbreaking personal story during a breakout season on the field is the most captivating.

While players have their moments throughout the series, Duran’s story unfolds across the eight episodes, with episode four coming as a stark and very real reminder that these players are not ‘zoo animals’ [in Duran’s words, that’s how he feels they are treated by fans at times]. They are human.

The 28-year-old is candid about his mental health journey – how he is a perfectionist who agonizes over every outfield mistake and failed at-bat, how he is affected by fan jeers and online criticism, how he found a way to cope by pouring his thoughts into a journal every day.

But the fourth episode, titled ‘Still Alive’ revealed just how dark it got for him, as pressures on the field and the feeling of not living up to his own sky-high expectations left him suicidal.

“I didn’t want to be here anymore,” Duran says from a hotel couch.

Greg Whiteley, Netflix director of the show asks off camera whether ‘here’ means with the Red Sox or on planet earth itself.

“Probably both,” Duran replies. “I was already hearing it from fans, and what they said to me, I’ve told myself 10 times worse in the mirror.”

The episode focuses solely on Duran, his upbringing as ‘the small kid’ in California with a father who loved him, but was very hard on his son when it came to baseball… which as a child was essentially his entire life. It’s something his dad admits he regrets.

Duran often describes the feeling of not being good enough. From saying he had to work harder than everyone else to succeed due to his size when he was a kid, to having impostor syndrome when he was called up for the 2024 All-Star Game.

That he is an All-Star alone shows how far the center fielder has come, but it’s been some journey to get to the top of MLB as one of the top athletes and base-runners in the entire game.

After excelling at high school and college level, he was expected to be a fourth-round pick at the MLB draft. An interview from his mother shows how he was eventually drafted by the Red Sox, but in the seventh round. Another mental blow.

He turned pro in 2018 and made his Major League League debut in July 2021 – but it was not smooth sailing.

Playing almost his entire life as a second baseman, the decision was made to turn him into a center fielder but making that transition at big-league level was too much for the young star.

Repeated failures and mistakes in the outfield, compounded by struggles at the plate, led to intense criticism from fans, including taunts to ‘go back to Triple-A’, to ‘never play for the Red Sox again’ and Duran even revealing a ‘message telling me to kill myself’.

One particular incident that’s replayed in the documentary shows how Duran lost a deep fly ball in the sun. Cameras showed him still searching the sky for the ball as it landed behind him, with teammate Alex Verdugo retrieving it instead as Duran just stared forward in disbelief – no doubt trying to silence the jeers from the Fenway crowd, as well as the voices in his head.

Weeks later, footage shows Duran involved in a yelling match with a fan, with social media comments appearing on screen saying, ‘He’s lost it’, among other things.

“I felt like I was on a frickin’ island all by myself and the world was falling apart beneath my feet,” Duran tells Whiteley.

“They didn’t know how hard I was trying. I couldn’t deal with telling myself how much I sucked every f— day.”

Duran explains how he sat in his room with a rifle and decided to take his life, and how his suicide attempt didn’t work. He survived. The gun didn’t fire. He still doesn’t understand why or how.

He says: “I took it as a sign I might have to be here for a reason. So that’s when I started to look at myself in the mirror, I was like, ‘All right, do I want to be here or do I not want to be here?’

“I was like ‘that happened for a reason and obviously you’re here for a f— reason so let’s f— be the way you want to be, let’s play the way you want to play, and let’s live the way I want to live’.”

Duran is asked if he has told anyone about this before, including his parents and says: “I don’t think I’ve told them the full extent like that.

“I know I need to sit down with them and tell them the whole story. It’s just scary to me because I hate putting my parents through stuff like that.

“It’s hard to see them get upset when I tell them. It makes me feel like a bad person. I don’t want to burden other people with my problems.”

Duran now plays with two messages on his wristbands as a constant reminder of who he is.

Those messages, which he writes in pen on athletic tape before each game, read, ‘f— ‘em’, on one wrist and, ‘still alive’, on the other.

Previously he had refused to explain what the words mean, but has now said: “On my left wrist I write, ‘F— ‘em’ because it’s me telling my demons, ‘F— you, you’re not going to faze me,’ and on my right wrist, I write, ‘Still alive’ because I’m still here and I’m still fighting.”

The story is just one of the ways the show reminds us that these athletes are human beings, and they have very real human struggles and there is often more going on off the field that fans just don’t understand.

Duran speaks openly about his early career struggles throughout the seriesCredit: Netflix
“Jarren’s decision to share his story is an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball,” a statement from Red Sox President and CEO Sam Kennedy reads.

“By opening up, he’s showing others who may be struggling that they’re not alone and that asking for help isn’t just okay, it’s essential. Every member of this organization continues to stand with him. He has our deepest admiration, he’s always had our full support, and we’re incredibly fortunate to have him as part of our team.”

He is correct there. The Red Sox stuck by Duran through it all, and it’s paid off.

He is now one of the top talents in the entire MLB, not necessarily known for being a power slugger, but one of the top-ranked for speed across the bases and still a regular home run hitter.

In 2024 he led the major leagues in plate appearances with 735, at bats with 67  and doubles with 48. His 14 triples was a joint MLB lead and he ended the year on 24 home runs and 75 RBIs.

And not only was Duran called up for the All-Star game last summer, he nailed a go-ahead two-run homer to help the American League to victory and was honoured with the Ted Williams Most Valuable Player Award – named after the Red Sox icon.
And he shared an emotional moment with his family after the huge career landmarkCredit: Getty
Netflix show a shot of his father, mother and brother all with tears in their eyes in the stands as he lifted the MVP glass bat.

After watching his journey, they aren’t the only ones.

The Clubhouse: A year with the Red Sox is available to watch in the UK on Netflix from April 8

This immersive series grants unprecedented access to one of the most historic teams in sports: the Boston Red Sox. Follow the 2024 Sox on and off the field for a never-before-seen glimpse into the personal and professional lives of MLB ballplayers as they grapple with the mental pressure and physical demands of a grueling 162-game season.

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